How do we make life changing decisions?
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In the space of 2 weeks, it's amazing how many times (especially given the lack of people who know) i have been asked whether I am going to leave/separate/ends things with the accused. I don't feel i have even really started to process things probably yet. My brain is buffering me from thinking too much abojt what he has actually done (he has admitted the charges). I love very much and i am very concerned for his mental health at the moment. I cannot correlate the man i thought i knew with who has done this.
I am spiralling over what life will be like and how its going to be a long and diffiicult process. At the moment i am avliding spending time with him because i can't face the supposes normality.
What have other people done? Stayed with or separated?
Thanks
I am spiralling over what life will be like and how its going to be a long and diffiicult process. At the moment i am avliding spending time with him because i can't face the supposes normality.
What have other people done? Stayed with or separated?
Thanks
Immediately separated from my husband of 9 years. I don't understand and will never understand how people stay.
Trust issues aside, I just don't understand how you could ever sleep with a man who has viewed images of children being sexually abused. What do people think these men are doing whilst looking at these images? If you think they are doing anything other than masturbating then you are lying to yourselves.
Trust issues aside, I just don't understand how you could ever sleep with a man who has viewed images of children being sexually abused. What do people think these men are doing whilst looking at these images? If you think they are doing anything other than masturbating then you are lying to yourselves.
Hi,
I think this is the most commonly asked question on this forum. The answers are usually split pretty evenly between stay and leave. The knock for my partner was almost 6 years ago now. His offences were communication with a minor (14). At the time of the knock I was 3 months pregnant with our daughter. I ended the relationship but after 2 years and lots of research I decided to give our relationship another try. We don't live together although this has been approved by social services. If I'm honest we aren't in the right place to live together. I know others who have chosen to stay and are fully confident and happy in their decisions. If I could offer any advice it would be that whatever decisions you make now don't have to be permanent decisions. You have the right to change your mind either way along the line. I've been very honest with my partner and let him know that my decision may change. This isn't about whether you love him or not, you can love from a distance and have peace with that decision too. Everyone on here has different experiences and obviously that shapes the responses you get. It's early days for you right now, make decisions based on the facts you have when you're ready to. Sending love and support xxx
I think this is the most commonly asked question on this forum. The answers are usually split pretty evenly between stay and leave. The knock for my partner was almost 6 years ago now. His offences were communication with a minor (14). At the time of the knock I was 3 months pregnant with our daughter. I ended the relationship but after 2 years and lots of research I decided to give our relationship another try. We don't live together although this has been approved by social services. If I'm honest we aren't in the right place to live together. I know others who have chosen to stay and are fully confident and happy in their decisions. If I could offer any advice it would be that whatever decisions you make now don't have to be permanent decisions. You have the right to change your mind either way along the line. I've been very honest with my partner and let him know that my decision may change. This isn't about whether you love him or not, you can love from a distance and have peace with that decision too. Everyone on here has different experiences and obviously that shapes the responses you get. It's early days for you right now, make decisions based on the facts you have when you're ready to. Sending love and support xxx
I stayed.
For context it was a communication offence (decoy).
At the time he was suffering from mental health issues causes by ill health and overwork. When it all came to the fore he attempted suicide
We are an older couple with no children at home - had we had any kids living with us I would have had no choice but to separate.
I made no promises to stay but said I would support him through what was the worst time of his life.
Almost 2 years from arrest and almost a year on from sentencing he has proved that he is remorseful and worked very hard on improving his m/h. He has changed jobs, completed his community payback and has counselling.
Life has changed for both of us (he has 5 years SOR and SHPO) but although it's different we manage ok. He's got a different job with less pressure and we are looking to the future.
Whether we stay or we leave , we have to do what is right for us - I would never be critical of someone's decision, especially as I have been in that position myself. X
For context it was a communication offence (decoy).
At the time he was suffering from mental health issues causes by ill health and overwork. When it all came to the fore he attempted suicide
We are an older couple with no children at home - had we had any kids living with us I would have had no choice but to separate.
I made no promises to stay but said I would support him through what was the worst time of his life.
Almost 2 years from arrest and almost a year on from sentencing he has proved that he is remorseful and worked very hard on improving his m/h. He has changed jobs, completed his community payback and has counselling.
Life has changed for both of us (he has 5 years SOR and SHPO) but although it's different we manage ok. He's got a different job with less pressure and we are looking to the future.
Whether we stay or we leave , we have to do what is right for us - I would never be critical of someone's decision, especially as I have been in that position myself. X
My daughter ended her marriage the day he was arrested and only ever saw him again 9 months later at the child welfare hearing.
It's not been an easy road. It's nearly a year since it happened.
I can't tell you what to do but like the other person said how could you ever trust him again.
With the support of family and friends you can re build a life away from him and his lies and deceit
Take care xx
It's not been an easy road. It's nearly a year since it happened.
I can't tell you what to do but like the other person said how could you ever trust him again.
With the support of family and friends you can re build a life away from him and his lies and deceit
Take care xx
Dear Forum Users,
Thank you for posting and engaging with the forum.
This topic can bring up very strong feelings, and it's important to recognise that people respond to the trauma of discovering a loved one's offending in very different ways. For some, separation feels like the safest and most appropriate decision, while for others the situation is more complex and may take time to process and make sense of.
I think it's important that we remain mindful of both the language we use and how we share our views. Many people reading this forum are carrying feelings of shock, grief, anger, shame, confusion, and loss. Comments that generalise or make assumptions about others' choices can sometimes feel painful for those whose experiences are different.
It's okay for us to have different perspectives and different boundaries. While there may not always be agreement, this forum can remain a supportive space by approaching discussions with compassion, respect, and understanding for the wide range of experiences represented here. Everyone's journey is different, and creating space for those differences can help people feel heard, supported, and less alone.
Thank you all for helping to make this a supportive space
Thank you for posting and engaging with the forum.
This topic can bring up very strong feelings, and it's important to recognise that people respond to the trauma of discovering a loved one's offending in very different ways. For some, separation feels like the safest and most appropriate decision, while for others the situation is more complex and may take time to process and make sense of.
I think it's important that we remain mindful of both the language we use and how we share our views. Many people reading this forum are carrying feelings of shock, grief, anger, shame, confusion, and loss. Comments that generalise or make assumptions about others' choices can sometimes feel painful for those whose experiences are different.
It's okay for us to have different perspectives and different boundaries. While there may not always be agreement, this forum can remain a supportive space by approaching discussions with compassion, respect, and understanding for the wide range of experiences represented here. Everyone's journey is different, and creating space for those differences can help people feel heard, supported, and less alone.
Thank you all for helping to make this a supportive space
